"Experimental stuff? It's all vacuum cleaner music, isn't it?"
Bloggs, 1950's - the present)
"Well," I began, snatching the
last plain chocolate digestive biscuit before Skit could get to it, "thus
far, we've hit them with that annoying tone they used to use at TV
closedown, pneumatic drill, mitre saw, electric drill and impact gun."
"Yes!" Skit exclaimed enthusiastically, "Skit love power tools. And plain
chocolate digestive biscuits, you greedy bastard."
"So," I continued, ignoring his
complaint, that's just one I owe him, trust me, "what do we do for the
July REM Challenge."
"We've done four power tools on
the trot now, don't you fancy a change?"
"No, Skit like power tool."
"Come on, we don't want to be
typecast as a band that only does power tool wipeouts, do we?"
"We're supposed to be a broad
spectrum experimental project, we should express our versatility more, don't
"Skit suggest hedge trimmer!"
"Come on, that's a power tool,"
I said with a disappointed tone, rather than one of anger, because it annoys
him more, "in any event, you used the hedge trimmer on your solo version of
John Cage's 4:33, it'll sound too similar."
"You not release it yet, so
nobody hear it!"
"Skit, you know the idea is to
save it for the forthcoming Cage Variations EP, as part of the big
Magic Bullet and Friends event we've
planned for our second birthday
"Magic finish advertising now?"
"You got me. Seriously though,
use your imagination."
"We have two hedge trimmers,
use other one."
"But we'll fall into that trap,
you know, everyone will be saying experimental stuff is all vacuum cleaner
"Fuck 'em." Skit shrugged, then
paused briefly as a light came on in his eyes, "Oh, Magic, Skit could kiss
"Um... you've got biscuit on
"And coffee breath."
"Okay. But Magic, you genius!"
"It's my curse," I agreed, "any
reason in particular though?"
"You have two vacuum cleaners,
"We make duet!"
"Yes!" I shouted, as the great
profundity of it dawned upon me, "It's like an ironic statement, by doing a
35 minute track with two vacuum cleaners, we reclaim the insult from those
who would disrespect our craft! We mock their ill-conceived accusation using
the very weapon with which they taunt us!"
"And it make ears bleed."
Why pictures of vintage Soviet
vacuum cleaners in space? It's vaguely inspired by a very old
episode of Star Trek, but that's another story entirely, though I can
tell you that Lucca Maneuver, when spelt the American way like that,
by some strange coincidence, just happens to be an anagram of vacuum
cleaner. Small world.